This isn’t some punk rock show at a dive club, this is an arena concert. Plus we’re dealing a major drama queen in Morrissey, emphasis on the queen part ;)

I would do the same fucking thing; the wankers.

Morrissey has made a triumphant return to the stage, making light of his collapse at his last gig.

The 50-year-old former Smiths singer collapsed during his first song at the Oasis Leisure Centre in Swindon, Wiltshire, on Saturday.

His bandmates had to carry him from the stage before he was taken to hospital suffering from breathing difficulties.

But at London’s Royal Albert Hall the bequiffed Mancunian told the sell-out crowd: “The doctor said I shouldn’t smile. I told him, ‘I don’t’.”

At one point the singer lay on the floor feigning collapse before jumping to his feet and declaring: “Thank you Swindon.”

He began the set with the Smiths’ breakthrough hit, This Charming Man, telling the audience: “Fasten your seatbelts it’s going to be a bumpy night.”

The militant vegetarian - who once cancelled a gig after discovering the venue used to be an abattoir - also took a swipe at the “unfortunate preponderance of celebrity chefs”, moaning: “Not one of them is vegetarian.”